not a hero
by proserandom
Summary: The only person he'd be a hero for is her. "But you are my hero, Sasuke-kun."


**Title: **not a hero

**Summary:** The only person he'd be a hero for is her. "But you are my hero, Sasuke-kun."

**Disclaimer: **nope. not mine. if it was, sasusaku would've been canon eons ago and the uchiha clan is already revived.

* * *

Uchiha Sasuke have never once had any intentions to be a hero.

Something as noble and honourable as being a hero has never been in his list of things to do in his life and he'd be damned if 'being a hero' is one of them.

He still has his principles, sure. He'd even go so far as to say that he still have some of his morals intact, the ones that hadn't been obliterated by everything he has experienced in his life so far at least, but nobility, he thinks, is for pompous, self-worshipping cretins who think highly of themselves just because they feel they should.

For Sasuke, being a hero is an overrated ambition and is only for bight-eyed fools with naïve dreams and foolish beliefs.

.

.

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When he was young, their mother used to read him and Itachi story books from their massive library. Their father often frown at this as he believes they should be reading books about jutsu and learning new techniques not fictional tales about some far off world. He never did told them off, however, because Mikoto often scowls back at him before he could even begin to insinuate what he thinks and besides, Fugaku liked to see the look on his wife and children's eyes when she tells them of noble men from far off kingdoms slaying evil villains and saving the day.

Perhaps when he was a child listening to his mother's story of warriors protecting the kingdom and rescuing the damsel-in-distress, he had fancied himself the idea of coming home and having people praise him for his heroic deeds. But if he was being completely honest with himself, he didn't really care much about protecting the kingdom or rescuing the damsel-in-distress. He's more interested with the fighting rather than the glory that comes with it.

Still, he answers with a 'Yes!' and a nod when his mother asked him if he wanted to be a hero because even young, Sasuke thinks it will unnerve his mother if he said what he really thought.

.

.

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The Chuunin Exam was an eye opener and Sasuke finally understand what he truly is.

The power of Orochimaru's curse seal surges through him and Sasuke relishes on the feel of it in his veins.

"S-Sasuke-kun…"

He turns to his side and sees Sakura all bloodied and bruised and feels unnatural rage he's never felt before, not even after the massacre, course through his system. The power in him intensifies into something more and it overwhelms him. The curse mark spreads further across his skin like spilled ink on paper but he pays it no heed as he glares at the three Sound shinobi in front of them.

"Sakura who did this to you?"

His fingers are twitching to break something.

One of the Sound shinobi stepped up and declared smugly, "Heh. I did it."

He was bent forward the next second with Sasuke's foot on his back and his arms pulled back. Sasuke couldn't help the malicious smirk that spread across his face at the sight of fear that flooded the Sound shinobi's features. He's just itching to pull the little shit's arms and break his scrawny neck. He nearly laughed at the panicked blubbering the Sound shinobi did when he pulled on his precious arms slightly. Sasuke wonders what it would feel like to hear his screams if he really did pull them off.

He was just about to find out as he prepared to lunge again when small thin arms clutched around him and a body pressed on his back.

"Sasuke-kun…stop…"

The bloodlust coursing through his veins stopped when he heard Sakura's pleading voice. Sasuke paused as he felt the effects of the curse seal gradually dying down and the feeling of power and rage subsiding into nothing. There is a dull throbbing ache on his neck and Sasuke tried not to wince as his knees hit the floor clutching the spot where the seal is at.

Later when they've settled, Sakura thanks him and praises him for saving them. He noticed her hair had been chopped off and deduced it must've been during the fight with the Sound shinobi earlier. She's still thanking him for saving them and praising him for being a hero.

Sasuke toned her out, not having the energy to correct her at the moment. She wouldn't understand anyway.

He is not a hero.

He is an avenger.

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.

.

There is an unpleasant feeling settling on his stomach as he tells her that it is Naruto that saved her from Gaara and not him.

It only grows into something gut-wrenching when he sees the gentle look and the smile she sent to the blonde's way as if she is not even surprised.

Sakura doesn't need him. She has Naruto.

Naruto who can protect her all the time. Naruto who isn't burdened with his duty and responsibility to a clan long gone. Naruto who is more powerful and capable of protecting her. Naruto who will not push her away. Naruto who will take care for her and never leave her.

Naruto who is a hero.

.

.

.

The decision to leave is not easy but it becomes so when he wakes up from the nightmare he was put under.

He is still weak and he will remain so if he does not seek the power he needs to attain his goal.

Sasuke silently packs his pack with all the necessity he needs. He loads it with scrolls and weapons sharpened to perfection and a pack of soldier pills he swiped off from the hospital. He checks his apartment one more time and makes sure everything's in place. He passes by the table where his team picture is put up on a frame and had to fight the twinge of hurt, guilt, and longing as he stared at his and Naruto's scowling faces and at Kakashi and Sakura's smiling ones. He turns away and puts the frame facedown. He doesn't need any more distractions.

He takes one last sweeping look at the place he lived for the last five years of his life and feels nothing.

It is not home. Home was taken away by someone he thought he knew a long time ago and anyway, home is not a place. It's—

His eyes landed on the frame facing down on his bedside table and the hitai ate with the symbol of the place that reminds him of too much of everything before he turned away and slammed his front door shut.

He doesn't take any more than what he needs.

.

.

.

Sakura makes it harder for him to leave.

Figures she would make this difficult for him. It's also unsurprising that she'd be the one who will foresee his leaving. She has always been the exception to his everything

It's tempting, everything she is saying. He wants nothing more than to train under Kakashi's watchful eyes and then eat ramen in Naruto's favorite ramen stand as he tries not to be pleased as Sakura berates on their blonde teammate for insulting him and then bask in her affections. He wants nothing more than to pass the Chuunin Exams with them and rise up the shinobi ranks with them and go on missions with them.

But he cannot do so unless he's rid himself of the burden he's carrying and the ghosts of his past are laid to rest.

As he lays her down on the bench gently and wipes the stray tear that fell from her eyes he can't help but think of warm smiles and sunny grins and eyes too bright to see the darkness in the world. They are born to be heroes of their generation and Sasuke is not like them at all.

He can never be like them.

So he runs and becomes the villain.

.

.

.

He had never understood how his brother thinks.

Even when they were young and Sasuke could say that he could at least know his brother to an extent.

At least, he thought he knew him. He doesn't know anymore these days—not sure of anything anymore these days. It feels like just when he thought he knew the truth, it turns out to be nothing but lies and he feels that reality is slipping through his fingers. Who's the real enemy? Who are his allies? Does he even have any allies? When will he know the truth and when will the lies and deception end and someone just make him _understand_ because he wants to _god_, how he wants to but he's so confused and he _doesn't understand._

Sasuke doesn't understand what his brother was thinking when he thought to appear the villain and have Sasuke end him so he could be the hero.

But he is not the hero and he will never be the hero because he doesn't want to and he never did. Heroes are bight-eyed fools with naïve dreams and foolish beliefs and he doesn't want to be a hero he just wants all of this to end and to have his _nii-san_ back and—

"I don't want to be a hero!" he had wanted to shout.

But there is no one there to hear.

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.

.

He is doing this for his brother.

It is all for the sake that Itachi's sacrifice do not go to waste. He will fight for the wretched village that destroyed his family, his brother and his life. He will fight on their side to end this madness and he will put an end to all of this once and for all.

"Many things have happened. But now I decided to protect the Leaf."

The Uchiha is the cause of all this and so an Uchiha must end it. It is more of an obligation than an act of redemption. He will fight because it is his duty.

He swears he is not a hero.

.

.

.

He is not a hero.

Heroes don't die in the middle of battles. Heroes finish the battle and win it.

He has a sword plunged deep within him and he is soaked in his own blood. There is a sort of numbness slowly creeping up on him. His breaths are coming out short now and the light is leaving his eyes _and he will never be a hero._

_._

_._

_._

He wakes up to a warm feeling and soft hands putting pressure on his chest. The numbing pain is slowly fading away to nothing and desperate whispers reached his slowly awakening senses.

"Wake up, dammit. Wake up!"

The sensation of chakra being pumped into him is overwhelming his senses and he is slowly being painfully aware of every cuts and bruises in his person.

"Sasuke, fight it. Wake up, dammit. Just—don't—"

Sasuke felt something wet drop on his left cheek.

"Don't leave me, Sasuke-kun."

He is finally jolted awake by a final burst of chakra and Sasuke heaved a big breath. A hand instinctively reached to feel the scar that was supposed to be on his chest but felt soft hands instead. He turned his head to the side to see a tear-stained Sakura slowly recovering from shock.

Before he could say anything, Sakura launched herself at him in a tight hug as she buries her face in the crook of his neck.

She is cursing him for being an _'idiot'_ and telling him to _'don't ever do that again'_ because _'you scared the shit out of me you idiot!'_ and all Sasuke could feel is her and how warm she is and how nice the feeling of her arms around him is.

He wonders if this is what it feels like to be a hero.

"Glad we didn't lose you, Sasuke-kun."

For the first time in his life, Uchiha Sasuke wanted to be a hero.

.

.

.

He watches as she sat beside him after a sparring session.

It is a year since the war ended and they are a team again. They are training and completing missions after missions. She is exceptional in taijutsu and she is the best medic in the whole of five nations and has already surpassed her mentor. She is an amazing diplomat and everybody just loves her and the whole village adores her.

Still she sits with him after training in the final rays of the afternoon sun and enjoys his silent company and heals his wounds and accepts his gratitude and she doesn't ask for more.

And all Sasuke can think is how much she deserves much more than that—more than this. She deserves much more than him.

"I'm not a hero, Sakura."

She looks at him confusedly for a moment and blinks before a knowing smile made its way on her face and Sasuke wonders how she seems to always know.

"Silly boy. Of course you're not. That's Naruto's forte."

There is a smile in her voice and he doesn't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing because the way their conversation is going is confusing him and is slightly terrifying him.

She just admitted that he's not a hero. She knows she's too good for him. She knows Naruto—the hero, the champion, the true golden boy—is who she really wants and he is too late. He is four years too late and who would ever love someone like him? Who would choose the villain over the hero who saved the world and everyone in it? It's always been like that in the story books. All the story books his mother has ever read him ends with the fair maiden and the hero living happily ever after and the villain left to perish.

Sakura is the fair maiden and Naruto is the hero who will live happily ever after and Sasuke is the villain left to perish and rot in eternal damnation.

"But Sasuke-kun…"

Sasuke felt soft hands cradle his face and he looks up to stare at too green, too clear, too honest, too sincere eyes and felt like he's drowning.

"…you're _my _hero."

And Uchiha Sasuke thinks that a hero he may not be, but he could be one for Haruno Sakura.

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review? :)


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